Long Under Grass

No, no, there is no going back.
Less and less you are
that possibility you were.
More and more you have become
those lives and deaths
that have belonged to you.
You have become a sort of grave
containing much that was
and is no more in time, beloved
then, now, and always.
And so you have become a sort of tree
standing over a grave.
Now more than ever you can be
generous toward each day
that comes, young, to disappear
forever, and yet remain
unaging in the mind.
Every day you have less reason
not to give yourself away.

~Wendell Berry



After I stepped away from this space, I walked mile after mile, both behind a mower and on the trails that link our forests and streams.  Old friendships were rekindled, and new ones were forged.  Some of you, if you are still here, followed me on Instagram and saw the wonderful waterfalls and wide vistas.  I stood in countless streams, full of longing and doing some hard inner work that helped me to grow so very much.  It was a summer that I knew would never come again.

I completed the 52 hikes in record time, about six months after I began, and have kept going toward 100.  There were no repeats on any of the hikes, and I revisited some places I had not been in fifteen years.  One hike included 600 stairs, while others required climbing boulders down to see waterfalls.  A couple were easy.  I lost twenty pounds and gained a lot of grit.  I did a lot of looking back as I found my way forward.

On hike 33, I met the man that I am marrying in six weeks.  That was on the Endless Wall Trail above the New River Gorge.  I asked him to take my hand as I stepped over a precarious crack in a big rock.  Something in my heart never wanted to be away from him, and we have been practically inseparable ever since.  Our first date was hike 35 and Bill told me he loved me on hike 37.  He proposed at the Snail Place on a snowy evening in late January.

It has been a year of miracles, nothing else.  I cannot tell you how full of wonder the whole experience has been.  My faith that was lukewarm has been renewed, and I can say that God hears our deepest longings, even when we think we're the only ones.  There have been plenty of challenges, as life never stops, but the way has been easier to bear than it ever has.  I tried my best to go into it all with my heart and eyes open, and I have been richly blessed.  My children have found someone with whom their hearts are safe.

It feels like many things have come to fruition that were decades in the making.  National Forests and public lands have figured heavily into my story.  The renewed love of place that I experienced a few years ago has grown stronger.  I hope to share some stories of my hikes in this space, even as I am in the throes of moving, wedding planning, and work transitions.  A little quiet time each morning to write and reflect is still so nourishing to me, and our memories fade so quickly.

I hope to see you all soon!