I registered the children for public school yesterday. It wasn't something I thought I'd ever do. I'm the kind of person to make a decision and see it through until the bitter end. But this one wasn't that. Life these days is about making my own choices, seeing I have options, taking up new things because I want to. That sounds oversimplified, and I guess it is. When I write things here, there are many layers to my words, things I could never say.
Really, it was happy moment when I made the decision. I know I have given my all to my children for nearly ten years now. What they need from me is different now. What I need is different. I need to work, of course, and to stand on ridge tops, and to share what I have with others. My world is getting bigger and smaller at the same time. I am learning to be patient, to be okay with open ends, and to tie up others.
I always like to know where I am going, but that's not a part of things any more. I can't explain it with any accuracy, but I guess it is a universal experience for this kind of thing. It feels nearly impossible to tell people how I don't want my old life, how glad I am now, how so many old burdens have fallen away, and how the new responsibilities do feel like very heavy things. I know what I have now, and where I have been. Oh, that is so freeing and so terrifying.
Bless you, Brandy! I can imagine all of the feelings you have right now. Praying public school at this time brings joyful surprises for all of you. <3
ReplyDeleteThank you. <3 I am hopeful.
DeleteBrandy, you have given your children a sure foundation in their early years which will be with them as they enter this new stage. And they are seeing in you that it is possible to adapt to new situations, and that change can be for the best. It's good that you have the summer to prepare. : )
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words. I have long thought about the picture of the world that I give to them. It is sometimes grey, sometimes very happy. I think they are ready and glad to step out into it.
DeleteIt sounds like you have thought long and hard about your decision and that it is in everyone's best interests. Is that for after the summer? You will still have time for your family excursions and crafting and playing together as we do here and Waldorf can still be part of your life. Change can be a good thing. You have given your children a really good foundation of values to take out into the wider world and I am sure it will help ground them. As a single mother, you need time alone to work and to regroup and I imagine your children will benefit from a happier mother in the process. Balance is always key. Wishing you well. ❤️
ReplyDeleteYes, they'll begin in early August. I don't know that it was a long process to come to this--I decide things pretty easily, but it has been feeling off for awhile. It is really all about restoring balance and making relationships healthier.
DeleteWishing you well with that. What a gift to be able to make decisions easily. I struggle with all decisions! I need to remember to listen to my heart/intuition as that's where my better decisions come from!!
ReplyDeleteThanks! I'm intuitive almost to a fault. ;-) Each way has its benefits. I wish I could be a little slower sometimes.
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