As once the winged energy of delight
carried you over childhood's dark abysses,
now beyond your own life build the great
arch of unimagined bridges.
Wonders happen if we can succeed
in passing through the harshest danger;
but only in a bright and purely granted
achievement can we realize the wonder...
Rainer Maria Rilke :: Ahead of All Parting, translated by Steven Mitchell
I love this photo--it may be as close as we get to the maple festival this weekend. The forecast promises snow, and Whitetop always gets more that its fair share. This page is from one of those old National Geographic Society photo books that they made in great quantities in the 70s. I picked up several for free at the thrift store, along with others I have been given from family. Their photographers did such a wonderful job at capturing an America in a golden age, before things changed so swiftly with the increasing dependence on technology. The photos of small town folks of all ages send me back to my childhood, to a time that feels so far away now.
Can I tell you that it has been a hard week? Oh, it has. It seems each passing week gets more difficult, instead of easier. The weight of it all, the unexpected things that keep coming up. It feels like everything is condensed into a small stretch of time, and really, it is. A month from tomorrow, I'll be divorced, not in the married club any more, no longer able to refer to anyone as "my husband." I've kept quiet about many things, but I do think it does help to share some of what this burden is. An at-fault divorce moves quickly, and all those loose ends need tying up at a brisk pace.
I feel like a lost ship these days, and other times I am firmly anchored. I am happier than I have been in years, and yet I feel such sadness. I guess that is the way of it for many people, such freedom and then so many doors that feel closed now. The part of me that is optimistic feels that there must be great wonders waiting for me. And there is another part of me, that melancholic me, that feels I have come to some sad dead end. I guess it is not like either thing, and probably a little of both. The road that I have walked feels like has been paved with small miracles. That I do know.
Oh, Brandy, I am so sorry for your sorrows. Life is such a struggle! But it is also sweet. I hope so much that the days ahead will be brighter for you and your beautiful children. ♥
ReplyDeleteYou are right, Susan. I pray brighter days are coming.
DeleteThis is a brief season of feeling such a circus of emotions, I promise! Having been there and done that, I know well the feelings you share here. The Maple Syrup Festival was delicious and so fun! I hope you got up top before it snowed so much. When we left we had a skiff of snow on the road from up top to Volney and then it was fine... not now, though! We are ready for spring here, too! Be kind to yourself! Matty
ReplyDeleteWe missed out--the roads are covered here, even main street! We managed with our own buckwheat cakes at home, along with the old comforting apple sauce. :-) Thank you for your kind encouragement.
DeleteI am so very sorry for your struggles. <3 Praying for peace for you.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I do need life to quiet down a bit. Monotonous would be just fine with me!
DeleteWhat a wonderful poem, thank you for posting it.
ReplyDeleteAnd, all those little things of the past that are grounding, as they reflect your own life, continue to hold them close as you do and they will create the comforting present that you need. You already do it and it seems like the bright spot in your life. Just that small bit of beauty can carry you so far. Those small miracles will keep growing and make life normal again.
You are most welcome. Thank you for your encouragement!
DeleteSending you love and hugs at this time. I hope things get easier for you and clearer. I hear the first year can be the hardest after a bereavement or loss, as you adjust to things and move through the different seasons. When one chapter closes, another begins...we need to remain open to what is in store for us and accept life, with all it's complexities. Easier said than done sometimes when we are given great trials. I can imagine the melancholy for what could have been, for what was and fear of the unknown and yet the possibilities are there too and the blessings. I wish you well on your onward journey....much love Anna
ReplyDeleteThank you. It feels so hard right now, not in the sadness of the loss, but the sadness of what is left for me to shoulder, what I have been carrying for so long.
DeleteHello, my name is Brooke. I have read your blog for years but I don't think I've ever commented! I was wondering, are you an Orthodox Christian? We joined the Orthodox church almost five years ago. I'm surprised to hear you talk about Palm Sunday and Hold Week. :) I love your blog so much. It has always been such an encouragement to me. I have a blog ofpigtailsanddinosaurs.blogspot.com that I dont write on anymore but you could look at it if you wish. God bless you!
ReplyDeleteHi, Brooke! We are not Orthodox, though I have several friends who are. :-) Thank you for your kind words and for reading along. Did you all ever get to live in a yurt?
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